Slowly Going Bald

"It's always something."

You can't save anyone.

Always try to get a nonstop flight. Always. Also: If a first-class upgrade is available, you should take said upgrade.

Never go to Target on a Saturday.

"This is water. This is water."

You can't go giving a f*ck when it's not your turn.

"Anna Begins" is still really good. Just ... damn.

If a bar has free hot dogs, then it is a good bar.

The likelihood that you will wind up sitting next to someone who talks in the theater is directly related to your anticipation level of the film in question, the film's potential for quality, and a general X factor that's impossible to define. E.g., You can wander into an Iron Man matinee and have a good time, but you will be forced to listen to conversations about redecorating the sunroom during the final scene of There Will Be Blood.

I can drink more than I ever thought possible.

"Nothing's easy."

All you can do is do what you can.

"A newspaper can't love you back." And it never will.

Sometimes — not all the time, not even half the time, but sometimes — leaving your iPod on shuffle will open up your soul. You'll hit a run of three or four songs you would never think to put together but whose combined effect is the perfect reflection of your mood, your day, your life. And when that happens, just keep driving.

No one will ever stick around forever, and things will never not change. The tighter you hold on, the faster it goes.

Never underestimate the idiocy of the elderly, the confused, or hardcore conservatives.

A hooded sweatshirt is 12 of the smartest dollars you can spend.

Life is too short to watch bad movies or TV, listen to bad music, or read bad books. Yes, we all need escapes, little breaks between the serious stuff. But even trying to ironically appreciate crap still means watching/listening to/reading crap. It's not worth it, and it never will be.

If you think you should stop, keep going. Something interesting will probably happen.

All is fair, etc.

When you're lying about your profession, never say "reporter."

"Being single is like a fun nightmare."

The best hangover cure is preemptive: When you get home at the end of the night, pop three Tums and three extra-strength Excedrin. Let the pills work their magic while you sleep. Pop another three of each with/for breakfast and you're good to go.

"Hold on tightly, let go lightly."

"It's all happening."