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Dan Carlson
Los Angeles, California

I'm a twentysomething white male with ambitions to be a professional film critic and generally spend my days getting paid to watch movies and write about it. I try not to think too hard about how I want to build my life around talking about other people's creations and not mine. A compulsive reader and stubborn cineaste, I take an often contrary stance to my more fundamentalist peers and upbringing by celebrating the pursuit of the good, and the Good, in life, love, art and film. If you watched enough episodes of a few TV shows ("The Hungry and the Hunted," "The Cut Man Cometh," "The Body," "The Zeppo," "Waiting in the Wings," "Out of Gas," "April is the Cruelest Month," "20 Hours in America," "Colonial Day," "An Echolls Family Christmas," and "Look Who's Stalking," for starters), you would understand me completely, and you'd also realize that much of my worldview and philosophical insights are heavily influenced by fictional works/programs, and many of the good things I've said in my life are just a regurgitation of someone else's imaginings. I guess I was made to be a film critic.

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« My Musical Year In Review — 5 |Main| Ghost World: An Online Transcript »

January 15, 2008

Reigning In The Pituitary: An Online Transcript

By Dan Carlson

Sis: a headline in tomorrow's life section: "Maybe your friends and family know why you're still single"
:(
me: holy buckets
that's depressing
"your mom knows why you're a virgin, fatty"
Sis: aww
me: "maybe you should ask your cousin what's wrong with you"
Sis: :( :(
me: hehe
yeah
that was dark
Sis: yeah it was
yet funny
me: that's my wheelhouse
funny + things that would actually make you kill yourself if they really happened
Sis: haha
it works
me: "hey, a joke about weirding out your prom date! hilarious! where do you think up this stuff?" "...i don't know"
Sis: did you really weird out your prom date?
me: not that i know of, but i would totally imagine i did. i had never slow danced with a woman before
you can just build out from there
Sis: hahaha
ok
me: :-/
Sis: bless your heart
eh, in high school you just stand and sway
it's not like you waltz or anything
me: oh, that the shame-face emoticon could convey the sheer terror of thin tuxedo slacks and a sophomore with a large chest
Sis: oh wow
what was her name?
jenny?
me: wow
yes
it was jennifer
Sis: i'm amazing
i remember her face
me: she was like 5'9" and had a very slight sway in her two front teeth and was just built to spill and kill in that dress
poor jenny
hope you're ok, and alive
Sis: haha
me: now you know why Freaks and Geeks had just massive appeal to me at 17

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"The critic is the only independent source of information. The rest is advertising."
— Pauline Kael

"Film lovers are sick people."
— Francois Truffaut

"I hope I strike a blow for chubby bald men everywhere. I hope they rise like an army."
— Paul Giamatti, quoted in the Los Angeles Times, 12/14/04

"Let others praise ancient times, I am glad I was born in these."
— Ovid

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the wisdom

Remembering speechlessly we seek the great forgotten language, the lost lane-end into heaven, a stone, a leaf, an unfound door. Where? When?

O lost, and by the wind grieved, ghost, come back again.
— Look Homeward, Angel, Thomas Wolfe

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives.
— John Stuart Mill

We are all under the same mental calamity; we have all forgotten our names. We have all forgotten what we really are. All that we call common sense and rationality and practicality and positivism only means that for certain dead levels of our life we forget that we have forgotten. All that we call spirit and art and ecstasy only means that for one awful instant we remember that we forget.
— G.K. Chesterton

We were, for the briefest of moments, something greater than the sum of our uncertain parts; we were youth itself, in all its painful glory and sharp joy.
— Me, Fall 2003

There is a time in the lives of most writers when they are vulnerable, when the vivid dreams and ambitions of childhood seem to pale in the harsh sunlight of what we call the real world. In short, there's a time when things can go either way.
— Stephen King

Los Angeles, give me some of you! Los Angeles come to me the way I came to you, my feet over your streets, you pretty town I loved you so much, you sad flower in the sand, you pretty town.
— Ask the Dust, John Fante