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Dan Carlson
Los Angeles, California

I'm a twentysomething white male with ambitions to be a professional film critic and generally spend my days getting paid to watch movies and write about it. A compulsive reader and stubborn cineaste, I take an often contrary stance to my more fundamentalist peers and upbringing by celebrating the pursuit of the good, and the Good, in life, love, art and film. If you watched enough episodes of certain TV shows — for starters, "The Hungry and the Hunted," "The Cut Man Cometh," "The Body," "The Zeppo," "Waiting in the Wings," "Out of Gas," "April Is the Cruelest Month," "20 Hours in America," "Colonial Day," "An Echolls Family Christmas," "Look Who's Stalking," "The Garage Door," "Charlie Gets Crippled," "Wind Sprints," and "Corner Boys" — you would understand me completely, and you'd also realize that much of my worldview and philosophical insights are heavily influenced by fictional works/programs, and many of the good things I've said in my life are just a regurgitation of someone else's imaginings, or at any rate a heartfelt attempt to interpret them. I guess I was made to be a film critic.

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« In Which Drew Hits Another One Out Of The Park |Main| Things That Occurred To Me While Watching "The Hills" Last Night, Which Admittedly Was A Pretty Stupid Thing To Do »

October 22, 2007

Makeup, Tech Support, And Coming Of Age: An Online Transcript

By Dan Carlson

me: i just tried to fix the printer for the new woman who [job description redacted so my ass doesn't get fired]
she's cute
and she had that girl smell
what the hell is that smell
Sis: a girl smell?
a mixture of shampoo and perfume and cleanliness
me: no, it's more than those 3 things
has to be
Sis: well i don't know
i don't know if i have a smell
me: because i wash my hair, stay clean, and wear a pleasing cologne, and i don't smell like a meadow in springtime mixed with sexual repression
Sis: hahahahahahahaha
ok i'm trying not to laugh out loud
me: :)
like body glitter and conditioner and sunshine and 19 other things
her face was SPARKLY
don't wear that crap to work
it's gonna distract me
"can you help me fix the printer?" "you cheeks look like stars." "...thanks?"
Sis: hahaha
this is great
your cheeks look like stars
hahaha
me: "i really just wanted you to help me fix the printer." "you smell like a bed i want to wake up in"
Sis: oh wow
eek
me: oh come on, that one was funny
:-/
Sis: it is
but not innocently funny like the cheeks one
me: i think it is
i was also debating, "you smell like being at home"
i was going for the comfort angle
Sis: ah
it was more of the comfort/sex angle
me: sex = comfort. male mindset
Sis: ah
me: well
Sis: well

Comments: 7

Beckylooo

You and your sis make me laugh. That smell's called pheromones.

Oct 22, 2007 1:04 PM

JMW

Amazing.

Oct 23, 2007 10:06 AM

Julie

"i don't smell like a meadow in springtime mixed with sexual repression"

Hee hee hee. Now I know what you boys are referencing when you compliment how our hair smells.

Oct 23, 2007 10:26 AM

Rachael

I'm a little jealous, mainly because I know I reek of smoke all the time. Ah well, just gotta find a smoker whose sense of smell is as diluted as mine.

Thanks for making me laugh out loud!

Oct 23, 2007 10:47 AM

Kevin Longrie

That smell. That f'ing smell. I know exactly what you're talking about.

Oct 23, 2007 11:29 PM

Brian

Curious - do the folks in your office read this? Even with redacting her job - how many SPARKLY women in your office could you have helped with their printers recently that who you are talking about could reamin ambiguous. Not saying you should stop these posts since they're great - just curious if the people you work know you're writing aboutt hem.

Oct 24, 2007 6:52 AM

gunter

let me guess: she smells of marshmallows and promises

Oct 25, 2007 4:00 PM

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Remembering speechlessly we seek the great forgotten language, the lost lane-end into heaven, a stone, a leaf, an unfound door. Where? When?

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