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Dan Carlson
Los Angeles, California

I'm a twentysomething white male with ambitions to be a professional film critic and generally spend my days getting paid to watch movies and write about it. I try not to think too hard about how I want to build my life around talking about other people's creations and not mine. A compulsive reader and stubborn cineaste, I take an often contrary stance to my more fundamentalist peers and upbringing by celebrating the pursuit of the good, and the Good, in life, love, art and film. If you watched enough episodes of a few TV shows ("The Hungry and the Hunted," "The Cut Man Cometh," "The Body," "The Zeppo," "Waiting in the Wings," "Out of Gas," "April is the Cruelest Month," "20 Hours in America," "Colonial Day," "An Echolls Family Christmas," and "Look Who's Stalking," for starters), you would understand me completely, and you'd also realize that much of my worldview and philosophical insights are heavily influenced by fictional works/programs, and many of the good things I've said in my life are just a regurgitation of someone else's imaginings. I guess I was made to be a film critic.

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October 4, 2007

Let's Refrain From Jokes About A Phoenix Rising: An (Even Geekier Than Usual, Which Is Saying Something) Online Transcript

By Dan Carlson

Rob: is it just me, or is ginny book-hot?
me: yeah, she is. if she gets hurt, i'm gonna be upset
Rob: what's weird is how un-hot she is in the movie(s)
they're going to have to do a hell of a makeup job to make that work
or re-cast
i'm thinking isla fisher
me: haha
i can't remember what the girl who plays her looks like
but isla fisher would be great
Rob: let me help you out
[sends this link]
not hot
and that's a freakin headshot
aka "this is the best you get"
me: aw
Rob: i mean, she's okay looking
but the character is supposed to be hot
me: [sends this link]
she looks a little better there
older, anyway
but also hidden
Rob: yes
and i disagree, she does not look hotter there
me: haha
Rob: we have that one-sheet in our office
i think she's going to have a lot of bang action going on
to hide her face
and it's not going to work
me: i think it can work
Rob: sure for british standards she's hot. she has all her teeth and they're pointing in the right direction
that equals jessica alba in britain
me: true
Rob: i just think book ginny is hotter than movie ginny
have i given this too much thought?
probably
am i a big nerd for instigating this conversation?
definitely
me: no
she's book-hot
you're right on that one
Rob: and book ginny can do amazing things w/ her tongue
movie ginny — it just lays there like a limp slug in her mouth
me: what the
Rob: er
me: you should know i plan to publish this conversation
Rob: that's okay. (you know it's true about book ginny)

Comments: 4

Bazzy

I have no idea what y'all are talking about, but having clicked on the links I learned that this person was born in 1991. That makes her 16. That makes this whole conversation a bit creepier.

Oct 4, 2007 5:26 PM

Dan

Rob started it.

Oct 4, 2007 5:28 PM

ryan English

I have no idea what y'all are talking about, but having clicked on the links I learned that this person was born in 1991. That makes her 16. That makes this whole conversation a bit hotter

Oct 4, 2007 9:26 PM

Lauren

I thoroughly aggre with you. Book-Ginny is WAY hotter than Movie-Ginny. As far as the tongue thing... well now I'm a bit jealous because I have not been fortunate enough to know first-hand about Book-Ginny OR Movie-Ginny's tongue gymnastics. Rob's also right about her not looking any hotter. And though they should for her, I have gigantic doubts that they'll re-cast any roles. *Sigh* At least we'll always have Book-Ginny...

Oct 5, 2007 10:30 AM

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"The critic is the only independent source of information. The rest is advertising."
— Pauline Kael

"Film lovers are sick people."
— Francois Truffaut

"I hope I strike a blow for chubby bald men everywhere. I hope they rise like an army."
— Paul Giamatti, quoted in the Los Angeles Times, 12/14/04

"Let others praise ancient times, I am glad I was born in these."
— Ovid

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Remembering speechlessly we seek the great forgotten language, the lost lane-end into heaven, a stone, a leaf, an unfound door. Where? When?

O lost, and by the wind grieved, ghost, come back again.
— Look Homeward, Angel, Thomas Wolfe

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives.
— John Stuart Mill

We are all under the same mental calamity; we have all forgotten our names. We have all forgotten what we really are. All that we call common sense and rationality and practicality and positivism only means that for certain dead levels of our life we forget that we have forgotten. All that we call spirit and art and ecstasy only means that for one awful instant we remember that we forget.
— G.K. Chesterton

We were, for the briefest of moments, something greater than the sum of our uncertain parts; we were youth itself, in all its painful glory and sharp joy.
— Me, Fall 2003

There is a time in the lives of most writers when they are vulnerable, when the vivid dreams and ambitions of childhood seem to pale in the harsh sunlight of what we call the real world. In short, there's a time when things can go either way.
— Stephen King

Los Angeles, give me some of you! Los Angeles come to me the way I came to you, my feet over your streets, you pretty town I loved you so much, you sad flower in the sand, you pretty town.
— Ask the Dust, John Fante