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Dan Carlson
Los Angeles, California

I'm a twentysomething white male with ambitions to be a professional film critic and generally spend my days getting paid to watch movies and write about it. I try not to think too hard about how I want to build my life around talking about other people's creations and not mine. A compulsive reader and stubborn cineaste, I take an often contrary stance to my more fundamentalist peers and upbringing by celebrating the pursuit of the good, and the Good, in life, love, art and film. If you watched enough episodes of a few TV shows ("The Hungry and the Hunted," "The Cut Man Cometh," "The Body," "The Zeppo," "Waiting in the Wings," "Out of Gas," "April is the Cruelest Month," "20 Hours in America," "Colonial Day," "An Echolls Family Christmas," and "Look Who's Stalking," for starters), you would understand me completely, and you'd also realize that much of my worldview and philosophical insights are heavily influenced by fictional works/programs, and many of the good things I've said in my life are just a regurgitation of someone else's imaginings. I guess I was made to be a film critic.

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August 16, 2007

We Should Work In PR: An Online Transcript

By Dan Carlson

Sis: Grandy's: It's soul food, not heart food.
Grandy's: While clogging your arteries, it unclogs your soul.
me: are you making new slogans for grandy's?
Sis: haha, a co-worker did. i'm just really full
me: man, i haven't eaten there in years
since school
Sis: yeah, me neither
me: all i can remember is cinnamon rolls
Sis: it was empty
yeah
me: "grandy's: the tastiest way to kill yourself"
Sis: nice one
me: "grandy's: when you stop trying"
"grandy's: fried chicken won't judge you like she does"
Sis: hahahaha

Comments: 3

Grandy's - when you need a school cafeteria fix but are way too old ot hang out at an elementary

Cody D

Grandy's: Because killing yourself slowly with gravy is a good way to go.
Grandy's: That old lady isn't just part of our logo, she's mixed into the biscuits.
Grandy's: Because sometimes there aren't enough tables at Luby's.
Grandy's: Please don't forget we exist.
Grandy's: Making vegetables unhealthy since 1947.
Grandy's: Gravy covers a multitude of sins.
Grandy's: Still proudly serving trans fat.
Grandy's: When Furr's is just a little too fancy for you.

Jack

When I used to work in the kitchen I jacked off in the white gravy that was a long time ago though.

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The Lines

The Quotes

"The critic is the only independent source of information. The rest is advertising."
— Pauline Kael

"Film lovers are sick people."
— Francois Truffaut

"I hope I strike a blow for chubby bald men everywhere. I hope they rise like an army."
Paul Giamatti, quoted in the Los Angeles Times, 12/14/04

"Let others praise ancient times, I am glad I was born in these."
— Ovid

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the wisdom

Remembering speechlessly we seek the great forgotten language, the lost lane-end into heaven, a stone, a leaf, an unfound door. Where? When?

O lost, and by the wind grieved, ghost, come back again.
— Look Homeward, Angel, Thomas Wolfe

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives.
— John Stuart Mill

We are all under the same mental calamity; we have all forgotten our names. We have all forgotten what we really are. All that we call common sense and rationality and practicality and positivism only means that for certain dead levels of our life we forget that we have forgotten. All that we call spirit and art and ecstasy only means that for one awful instant we remember that we forget.
— G.K. Chesterton

We were, for the briefest of moments, something greater than the sum of our uncertain parts; we were youth itself, in all its painful glory and sharp joy.
— Me, Fall 2003

There is a time in the lives of most writers when they are vulnerable, when the vivid dreams and ambitions of childhood seem to pale in the harsh sunlight of what we call the real world. In short, there's a time when things can go either way.
— Stephen King

Los Angeles, give me some of you! Los Angeles come to me the way I came to you, my feet over your streets, you pretty town I loved you so much, you sad flower in the sand, you pretty town.
Ask the Dust, John Fante