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Dan Carlson
Los Angeles, California

I'm a twentysomething white male with ambitions to be a professional film critic and generally spend my days getting paid to watch movies and write about it. A compulsive reader and stubborn cineaste, I take an often contrary stance to my more fundamentalist peers and upbringing by celebrating the pursuit of the good, and the Good, in life, love, art and film. If you watched enough episodes of certain TV shows — for starters, "The Hungry and the Hunted," "The Cut Man Cometh," "The Body," "The Zeppo," "Waiting in the Wings," "Out of Gas," "April Is the Cruelest Month," "20 Hours in America," "Colonial Day," "An Echolls Family Christmas," "Look Who's Stalking," "The Garage Door," "Charlie Gets Crippled," "Wind Sprints," and "Corner Boys" — you would understand me completely, and you'd also realize that much of my worldview and philosophical insights are heavily influenced by fictional works/programs, and many of the good things I've said in my life are just a regurgitation of someone else's imaginings, or at any rate a heartfelt attempt to interpret them. I guess I was made to be a film critic.

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« Review: Hot Rod |Main| In Which My Sister Dangerously Encourages Me To Act Out My Weirdest Fantasies: An Online Transcript »

August 5, 2007

Possible Titles For Scott Stapp's Autobiography That Would Make Me Read The Book

By Dan Carlson

Stapp Me If You've Heard This One

Don't Stapp Believin'

Stapp: In the Name of Love

Stapp Infection


[Inspired by a conversation I had at lunch today. My friend said how much he hated Nickelback, to which I fervently nodded agreement. I added, "I would rather read a book written by Scott Stapp than listen to Nickelback. And I hate Creed. That's how much I hate Nickelback."]

Comments: 11

So you think Nickelback sucks. Ever heard of something called CanCon? Canadian content rules mean 60% of what gets played on the radio up here has to be from here, and so the artists who get popular worldwide (the Tragically Hip, Nickelback, Avril) get played EVEN MORE up here, because the stations can play popular stuff and fulfill their CanCon requirements at the same time.

Erik

Normally, I have a very positive attitude toward Canada...but Sarah, you just described an artic hell to me.

Stapp Or I'll Shoot My Mom (or, Wife?)

Too soon?

Erin

Spinal Stapp?

Dan, I whole-heartedly agree. Although I don't know that I would go so far as to actually READ a book by Stapp, but I might be willing to look at the big crayon drawings that I am sure it would contain.

Brian

Stapp and Deliver?

My Triumphs and my Stapps

*gets joke wrong*

Kevin Longrie

Stapp: Collaborate and Listen.

Wow. You are all wonderful people. And screwed-up. But mainly wonderful.

You could also skew religious, e.g., Thy Rod and Thy Stapp. Really, it's wide open.

STAPP OR MY MOM WILL SHOOT!

Dangit. I knew I was getting that wrong. Yet I was too lazy to confer with IMDB.

mark

Erin - crayon drawings? No idea where you get that from. The book of "misconceptions about Scott Stapp" I expect.

I think a Scott Stapp autobiography would be very interesting. Depressing, but interesting.

mark

Erin - crayon drawings? No idea where you get that from. The book of "misconceptions about Scott Stapp" I expect.

I think a Scott Stapp autobiography would be very interesting. Depressing, but interesting.

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"The critic is the only independent source of information. The rest is advertising."
— Pauline Kael

"Film lovers are sick people."
— Francois Truffaut

"I hope I strike a blow for chubby bald men everywhere. I hope they rise like an army."
Paul Giamatti, quoted in the Los Angeles Times, 12/14/04

"Let others praise ancient times, I am glad I was born in these."
— Ovid

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the wisdom

Remembering speechlessly we seek the great forgotten language, the lost lane-end into heaven, a stone, a leaf, an unfound door. Where? When?

O lost, and by the wind grieved, ghost, come back again.
— Look Homeward, Angel, Thomas Wolfe

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives.
— John Stuart Mill

We are all under the same mental calamity; we have all forgotten our names. We have all forgotten what we really are. All that we call common sense and rationality and practicality and positivism only means that for certain dead levels of our life we forget that we have forgotten. All that we call spirit and art and ecstasy only means that for one awful instant we remember that we forget.
— G.K. Chesterton

We were, for the briefest of moments, something greater than the sum of our uncertain parts; we were youth itself, in all its painful glory and sharp joy.
— Me, Fall 2003

There is a time in the lives of most writers when they are vulnerable, when the vivid dreams and ambitions of childhood seem to pale in the harsh sunlight of what we call the real world. In short, there's a time when things can go either way.
— Stephen King

Los Angeles, give me some of you! Los Angeles come to me the way I came to you, my feet over your streets, you pretty town I loved you so much, you sad flower in the sand, you pretty town.
Ask the Dust, John Fante