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Dan Carlson
Los Angeles, California

I'm a twentysomething white male with ambitions to be a professional film critic and generally spend my days getting paid to watch movies and write about it. I try not to think too hard about how I want to build my life around talking about other people's creations and not mine. A compulsive reader and stubborn cineaste, I take an often contrary stance to my more fundamentalist peers and upbringing by celebrating the pursuit of the good, and the Good, in life, love, art and film. If you watched enough episodes of a few TV shows ("The Hungry and the Hunted," "The Cut Man Cometh," "The Body," "The Zeppo," "Waiting in the Wings," "Out of Gas," "April is the Cruelest Month," "20 Hours in America," "Colonial Day," "An Echolls Family Christmas," and "Look Who's Stalking," for starters), you would understand me completely, and you'd also realize that much of my worldview and philosophical insights are heavily influenced by fictional works/programs, and many of the good things I've said in my life are just a regurgitation of someone else's imaginings. I guess I was made to be a film critic.

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« Phrases I Have Googled Recently |Main| I Have Too Many Thoughts »

July 8, 2007

Probably My New All-Time Favorite Church Quote

By Dan Carlson

From today's sermon:

"Jesus commanded us to reach around the neighborhoods."

I had to bite my tongue so hard I almost bled. And I still laughed.

Comments: 6

GKB

An older man at our church once prayed for "these delicious young women."

We chalked it up to senility and not some sense of perversion. We would have laughed had we not been so stunned.

Of course, the "Size Doesn't Matter/Be a Tool" speech is a whole other story...

Jul 8, 2007 3:17 PM

Kevin Longrie

I was present when a few people from my friends church were talking religion. My favorite quote:

"Well, yeah, I mean...I blow my witness all the time."

I tried so hard to restrain myself, but I broke down and laughed.

Jul 8, 2007 5:49 PM

Joey

Dude I downloaded your entries from the past month and it was probably the greatest literature in all of Africa. Summer 2K7 has been great to your writing chops.

I'm going to download a crapload of songs as soon as I get home. They better be good.

Joseph

Jul 9, 2007 6:53 AM

GKB

A few months ago one of our elders, whose name is sort of synonymous with Tumultuous,
was making an announcement for some sort of ministry. He wanted to highlight how anyone, any gift, can be used for God's glory.

He reached in his pocket and brought out a small wrench, perhaps 3 inches long. Then he brought out a massive, 3 foot or greater, wrench, and encouraged us to "Be a Tool" for Jesus.

And then he said, honest, "Size Doesn't Matter."

Talking about tools and sizes was too much for us.

Jul 9, 2007 7:20 AM

apocalipstick

Church trying to kick-start outreach to single moms (big need in our town). Announcement as follows:

"Any women interested in becoming one of the single mom's should meet with the pastor in his office."

Jul 9, 2007 12:53 PM

isabelle

Enormous Baptist Church near my family home in Alabama had sign once that said:

"The most powerful position is on your knees."

Indeed.

Jul 10, 2007 9:18 AM

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Remembering speechlessly we seek the great forgotten language, the lost lane-end into heaven, a stone, a leaf, an unfound door. Where? When?

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