If Aaron Sorkin Wrote Porn
EXT. — HOUSE IN THE VALLEY
The bright sun beats down on a completely average house somewhere in the San Fernando Valley. A few black cords are visible snaking from the front door and into a white panel truck parked in the driveway. The sprinklers kick on. It's hot.
INT. — HOUSE IN THE VALLEY
The buxom TERRA FIRMA stands before a bathroom mirror, idly brushing her hair, naked.
TERRA
So what are you saying? Are you saying you're through?
In walks JOHNNY COXSWAIN, wearing only a towel around his waist and carrying a small cup of frozen yogurt that he's eating with a spoon.
JOHNNY
No, I'm not through.
TERRA
Because if you're saying you're through, that's one thing.
JOHNNY
Have you tried Pinkberry? It's amazing.
TERRA
But actually quitting is something else.
JOHNNY
Seriously, it's great stuff. Try it.
TERRA
And why would you even want to quit?
JOHNNY
I had no idea yogurt could be this good.
TERRA
It's not yogurt.
JOHNNY
It's not yogurt?
TERRA
It's not yogurt.
JOHNNY
What is it if it's not yogurt?
TERRA
I don't know, some kind of frozen something, and there's fruit.
JOHNNY
Well, yeah.
TERRA
But it's not yogurt.
JOHNNY
I'm gonna have to check on that.
TERRA
Check away.
JOHNNY
I will.
TERRA
You're really through?
JOHNNY
I'm not through.
TERRA
But if you're saying you just want some time off to decompress or read or do whatever it is you do—
JOHNNY
Photography.
TERRA
Photography?
JOHNNY
I dabble.
TERRA
Fine, if you want to decompress or take pictures, that's fine. But saying you're through is something else entirely.
JOHNNY
I'm not saying I'm through. No one is saying I'm through. Of all the things I am, through is not one of them.
TERRA
Good.
JOHNNY
It's just that I could use a break is all.
TERRA
What do you mean, a break?
JOHNNY
You know. From this.
TERRA
Whatever.
JOHNNY
What, it gets old after a while.
TERRA
Yeah, you really got the raw deal out of the two of us.
JOHNNY
Can I just thank you for not using the phrase "shafted" just now?
TERRA
You need a break.
JOHNNY
This is what I'm saying.
TERRA
Puns are never a good sign.
JOHNNY
Well, our names are pretty—
TERRA
That's different.
JOHNNY
Different how?
TERRA
You really take photos?
JOHNNY
Have for years.
TERRA
Well, I think that's good. Everyone needs a hobby. Something to keep the work from becoming too whatever.
JOHNNY
Maybe I could open a yogurt shop.
TERRA
Just make sure it's actual yogurt.
JOHNNY
I'm still not believing you on that one.
TERRA
Doesn't mean it's not true.
JOHNNY
Whatever.
TERRA
You ready to do this?
JOHNNY
Born so.
TERRA
Good.
JOHNNY
It's still yogurt.
TERRA
Is not.
JOHNNY
We'll see.
They walk off screen, as the music rises.
Comments: 7
that's pretty awesome. What role does Bradley Whitford play?
Next I want to see if Tom Clancy did porn
Clancy does do a little porn occassionally, try Without Remorse.
Regardless, now I'm actually more interested in Terra and Johnny's relationship than I was in any of the Studio 60 ones.
Can the next scene have them arguing health care reform while in reverse cowgirl?
Nothing sexier than rapid-fire dialogue. Now, if only it was a walk-and-talk.
Or a...something else...and talk.
Ha! The "I dabble" makes this art.
That's eerily believable.
That....was....awesome. Awesome in a West Wing, Sports Night kind of way, not in a Studio 60 kind of way, because, you know, the subtleties of frozen yogurt are just as important as life changing career decisions.
You know, Matt Damon once said he'd star in a porn if it was well written. I think you're on to something.
Jul 26, 2007 1:08 AM