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Dan Carlson
Los Angeles, California

I'm a twentysomething white male with ambitions to be a professional film critic and generally spend my days getting paid to watch movies and write about it. I try not to think too hard about how I want to build my life around talking about other people's creations and not mine. A compulsive reader and stubborn cineaste, I take an often contrary stance to my more fundamentalist peers and upbringing by celebrating the pursuit of the good, and the Good, in life, love, art and film. If you watched enough episodes of a few TV shows ("The Hungry and the Hunted," "The Cut Man Cometh," "The Body," "The Zeppo," "Waiting in the Wings," "Out of Gas," "April is the Cruelest Month," "20 Hours in America," "Colonial Day," "An Echolls Family Christmas," and "Look Who's Stalking," for starters), you would understand me completely, and you'd also realize that much of my worldview and philosophical insights are heavily influenced by fictional works/programs, and many of the good things I've said in my life are just a regurgitation of someone else's imaginings. I guess I was made to be a film critic.

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July 31, 2007

A Stunning Confluence

By Dan Carlson

So, there's a near-constant stream of snacks flowing through my office, and today one of the guys in another department brought in some peaches, and cut up some and gave them to my department on a plate. Free fruit is always appreciated.

The new guy in my department saunters up to the plate. He's a nice guy, but probably the ditziest man I have ever met; it's like a gay Ken doll come to life. Anyway, he grabs a peach and takes a bite and says, "These are good." And in the instant that he does that, I see Chris Farley dressed as one of the Gap Girls, saying the exact same thing with the exact same inflection. It happens around the 0:12 mark:

I was floored by the fact that the new guy is so gay he sounds like Farley in drag, and went half-crazy with excitement about my discovery. I shared what I'd found with a coworker, and she completely agreed.

So, that's the new guy.

Comments: 2

sarah

Hey! Did you hear about this?

"Pupils at St John's C of E School in Midsomer Norton, Somerset, who had been looking forward to getting stuck in to Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows, were yesterday bitter in their criticism of head Carolyn Banfield.
At the final assembly of the term last Friday, their headmistress picked up the 607-page book - and read from the last page to her astonished captive audience."

Snoodit

Seriously, this is still cracking me up. I wish you were here for the humor that is his Friday shift.

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The Lines

The Quotes

"The critic is the only independent source of information. The rest is advertising."
— Pauline Kael

"Film lovers are sick people."
— Francois Truffaut

"I hope I strike a blow for chubby bald men everywhere. I hope they rise like an army."
Paul Giamatti, quoted in the Los Angeles Times, 12/14/04

"Let others praise ancient times, I am glad I was born in these."
— Ovid

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the wisdom

Remembering speechlessly we seek the great forgotten language, the lost lane-end into heaven, a stone, a leaf, an unfound door. Where? When?

O lost, and by the wind grieved, ghost, come back again.
— Look Homeward, Angel, Thomas Wolfe

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives.
— John Stuart Mill

We are all under the same mental calamity; we have all forgotten our names. We have all forgotten what we really are. All that we call common sense and rationality and practicality and positivism only means that for certain dead levels of our life we forget that we have forgotten. All that we call spirit and art and ecstasy only means that for one awful instant we remember that we forget.
— G.K. Chesterton

We were, for the briefest of moments, something greater than the sum of our uncertain parts; we were youth itself, in all its painful glory and sharp joy.
— Me, Fall 2003

There is a time in the lives of most writers when they are vulnerable, when the vivid dreams and ambitions of childhood seem to pale in the harsh sunlight of what we call the real world. In short, there's a time when things can go either way.
— Stephen King

Los Angeles, give me some of you! Los Angeles come to me the way I came to you, my feet over your streets, you pretty town I loved you so much, you sad flower in the sand, you pretty town.
Ask the Dust, John Fante