Slowly Going Bald

• "A lifetime of naturally unathletic abilities has contributed to your skin's natural alabaster sheen, which I find intoxicating."

• "Tell me again about how you played 'Metal Gear Solid' on an endless loop when you were a freshman in college."

• "Wow, you bought bootleg DVDs of the original Star Wars trilogy that were ported over from the remastered laserdiscs. Take me hard."

• "Let's order Chinese. I'll pay."

• "The fact that you pitted out that old shirt merely means you can achieve a high level of focus during stressful situations, and is in no way gross or weird."

• "I read somewhere that the name Daniel is Hebrew for 'legendary cocksman.'"

• "The fact that you read The Hobbit in elementary school makes me extremely hot. Let's do it and put it on YouTube."

• "I made you some cornbread. Just because."

• "Who needs ambition when you can grow a nice goatee? Let's go to the movies."

--------