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Dan Carlson
Los Angeles, California

I'm a twentysomething white male with ambitions to be a professional film critic and generally spend my days getting paid to watch movies and write about it. I try not to think too hard about how I want to build my life around talking about other people's creations and not mine. A compulsive reader and stubborn cineaste, I take an often contrary stance to my more fundamentalist peers and upbringing by celebrating the pursuit of the good, and the Good, in life, love, art and film. If you watched enough episodes of a few TV shows ("The Hungry and the Hunted," "The Cut Man Cometh," "The Body," "The Zeppo," "Waiting in the Wings," "Out of Gas," "April is the Cruelest Month," "20 Hours in America," "Colonial Day," "An Echolls Family Christmas," and "Look Who's Stalking," for starters), you would understand me completely, and you'd also realize that much of my worldview and philosophical insights are heavily influenced by fictional works/programs, and many of the good things I've said in my life are just a regurgitation of someone else's imaginings. I guess I was made to be a film critic.

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« I Can't Believe This Is How I Spend My Time |Main| Really Weird Movies, Part 2 »

May 3, 2006

It's The Size Of Texas, Sir

By Dan Carlson

What are you doing right now? Nothing. Well, you're reading this, which is about the same. So you should really do something more meaningful with the next few minutes, which you seem to have free, otherwise you wouldn't be here. With that in mind, you should go see this:

The 10 Worst Blockbusters of All Time.

It's a good list. Feel free to chime in with the comments, but you should know in advance that (1) the list isn't changing, and (2) for our purposes, a "blockbuster" had a domestic gross higher than $100 million. So, as much as you might hate Waterworld, it toppeed out at $88 million, so don't bother telling us we missed it. Okay then. Now go read the list. Stop reading this. Now. Stop ... now.

UPDATE: In case you just can't get enough of the list in all its glory, Pajiba got a shout-out on KROQ this morning. I no longer live the kind of lifestyle that requires me to be awake before 10 a.m., for which I am truly thankful, but I do miss catching Ralph Garman's showbiz report on the Kevin & Bean show. And now that Garman has done a bit about something I've actually contributed to, well, I'm just that much closer to full-on world domination. Or at least a free t-shirt.

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"The critic is the only independent source of information. The rest is advertising."
— Pauline Kael

"Film lovers are sick people."
— Francois Truffaut

"I hope I strike a blow for chubby bald men everywhere. I hope they rise like an army."
— Paul Giamatti, quoted in the Los Angeles Times, 12/14/04

"Let others praise ancient times, I am glad I was born in these."
— Ovid

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Remembering speechlessly we seek the great forgotten language, the lost lane-end into heaven, a stone, a leaf, an unfound door. Where? When?

O lost, and by the wind grieved, ghost, come back again.
— Look Homeward, Angel, Thomas Wolfe

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives.
— John Stuart Mill

We are all under the same mental calamity; we have all forgotten our names. We have all forgotten what we really are. All that we call common sense and rationality and practicality and positivism only means that for certain dead levels of our life we forget that we have forgotten. All that we call spirit and art and ecstasy only means that for one awful instant we remember that we forget.
— G.K. Chesterton

We were, for the briefest of moments, something greater than the sum of our uncertain parts; we were youth itself, in all its painful glory and sharp joy.
— Me, Fall 2003

There is a time in the lives of most writers when they are vulnerable, when the vivid dreams and ambitions of childhood seem to pale in the harsh sunlight of what we call the real world. In short, there's a time when things can go either way.
— Stephen King

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— Ask the Dust, John Fante