Let's Drive Left For Four Hours
I made my peace with NASCAR a while ago. Sure, it's a non-sport that appeals to drunkards, illiterates, high school dropouts, wife beaters, and guys who still use words like "queerbait," but whatever. Might as well let them have it, you know? The only way someone will learn to do better is by messing up on their own, so I figured if we just give these hicks enough time, they'll realize that driving really fast in a circle isn't quite as engaging as, say, a book, or a movie, or a conversation about politics that doesn't involve the phrase "These colors don't run."
But in light of recent events, I've had to rethink my position. I know gas will never be as cheap as it once was; a growing number of consumers for a dwindling supply of product pretty much guarantees that this story will end soon, and not without a mess. But at least it was back down in the $2.60 range for a while, which was nice. But I filled up last week at $2.99 a gallon, and four days later that same station's price had risen to $3.09; a 10-cent hike in less than a week. It's around $3.11 now, and things are even worse on the other side of the hill, where I work. I passed stations on my way to the office today that were around $3.17 a gallon. That's brutal.
So here's my request: Until we find a way to inject some stability into gas prices, maybe we should stop spending so much on gas so you can drive in circles and compete for a stupid check and trophy sponsored by the last legal addictive drugs. (Not that I don't appreciate the irony of a beer company sponsoring a car race, but I don't think your typical NASCAR spectator is able to get the joke.) As soon as gas hits $100 a barrel and we're plunged into a Thunderdome kind of lifestyle, maybe then you boys can have your cars back. But until then, it seems pretty wasteful.
Okay, that's all. Any NASCAR fans who didn't understand any of the words in these paragraphs should contact their guardians and/or parole officers, who can show you how to leave an angry comment berating me for my education, lack of patriotism, and foolish belief that we can achieve great things as a people. Till then, enjoy today's remarkably applicable Quote of the Day.
"Dan, I understand your position and I don't necessarily disagree with it. But this is a sports network. Our sponsors expect us to project an image of good health and clean living.""I'll think about that next time I'm reporting how the Miller Genuine Draft car did in the Winston Cup."
--------
