Suggestions Given To Me By My Boss At My Recent Annual Review
Stop referring to the receptionist as "Horse-Face McGoo."
Stop signing e-mails to my boss with "I wish I knew how to quit you."
Stop cc-ing aforementioned e-mails to the entire company.
Stop calling the printer "a defiant slut" when it runs out of toner.
Stop making vaguely sexual innuendos when replacing toner in said printer.
Stop telling people that holes worn in the crotch of my jeans and boxers allow me constant external access to "my downstairs rec room."
Stop introducing myself to new hires as "Billy Zabka" and/or "The Impresario."
Stop telling new hires that the 7th-floor bathroom is haunted by pirate ghosts.
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