A List Of Life Changes, Or Resolutions, To Be Carried Out This Summer In Order To Ensure Happiness, Or At Least A Lack Of Boredom, In My 24th Year
1. Grow muttonchops. Like, serious, hardcore, Allman Brothers ones.2. Start slipping out of department meetings. When asked about my leaving, say it's because I have "to take a deuce."3. Learn a few magic tricks.4. Forget about #3 when I realize it makes me look kind of gay.5. Apologize to any gay magicians I offended in #4.6. In response to cleavage at the office, begin showing up to work with fly unzipped. Act coy and suprised when (inevitably) questioned.7. Try to get Mormon boss to convert me.8. Learn terms like "full-court press." Enjoy newfound acceptance among males in my social circle.9. Kiss acceptance from #8 goodbye when I tell them I own The English Patient.10. Come up with new ways to be sent to HR for refresher course in sexual harassment training. Molest fax machine?11. Start speling things funeticly like evreewun els on the internet.
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